Restlessness and Contentment
I found myself awake at 2 am. I was staring at the ceiling and wishing I was dreaming. But I just could not fall back asleep. Some nights are like that. I am exhausted, but I just can’t sleep. Do you ever experience sleepless nights? That’s the worst, right?
When I can’t sleep, my mind starts to run. You know, I think about EVERYTHING under the sun… My kids and their “stuff”, things in our house that need to be fixed, the start of school, finances, my marriage, etc…
Well, this night I was thinking about me. A dark, heavy blanket wrapped itself around me and I just felt overwhelmingly sad. I thought of all the wrong turns I’ve made in my life. I thought about the decisions that I *should* have made. I thought about all of the regrets that have accumulated over the last 20 years. It was too much! A restlessness stirred up in me and I could not shake it. So I began to pray. I cried out to God to fill those achy places of regret. I begged Him to fill up those empty crevices that felt desperate, dark and lonely. I prayed for those places to filled with joy and contentment. As I cried bitter tears, the ache in my heart started to ease. I felt His Spirit calm my restless soul.
I don’t know how long it will take for me to feel completely at peace with my life. I know that I am a work in progress and that God is continually doing a work in me to shape me into who He wants me to be. For obvious reasons, I wish that I didn’t struggle with regret. It can eat away at you and destroy happiness and joy in a heartbeat. It is my hope that I am so filled with Jesus that there is no room for those negative thoughts and feelings. I also know that I am human, and will struggle.
Jesus came to give us life and life abundant and full! My life is full in so many ways and I am choosing to focus on the fullness. It isn’t always easy to do that, though. The devil knows my weakness and he preys on that. But, by God’s grace, I will overcome. He has forgotten my wrongdoings! It is I and I alone, who fixates on those, not Him. Isn’t that an incredible thought? My prayer is that I will be content, no matter my circumstances.
John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Psalm 103:12 – As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Phillippians 4:12, 13 – I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
Until next time,